Mar 27, 2013

divorce: advice from a mormon

This is a very personal topic but I feel like many friends and acquaintances are going through it right now and I thought I would share some advice coming from someone with experience.

Several years ago I was going through the shame, embarrassment and great trial of divorce. I felt like everyone was judging me and I had to explain myself to those around me. I thought if everyone only knew my situation, they would understand and maybe not judge me. It took me years to get over this but when I finally did I realized that I knew, and the Lord knew and that's all who really matters.

Divorce is an easy way to learn about love and what it is. Some learn the kind of Love they want in a relationship, some learn the kind of Love they need to give, others learn the kind of Love they need to have for themselves and hopefully all learn the kind of Love that God has for all of his children.

In every relationship both parties make mistakes, some more than others but no one is perfect. The great thing is that if you look at your experience as an education, you will realize that everything that happened can make you a stronger, happier person.

Forgiving the person that hurt you so deeply can be the hardest part. God said "I will forgive whom I will forgive, but you are required to forgive all." You may be thinking "I want justice for the wrong they have done to me", put it in the Lords hands and he will give you peace. The most important part is that you are free of the pain when you forgive and that person no longer has any part in your happiness. You will be able to move on with your life and be better to those around you. If you struggle with forgiving yourself, ask for forgiveness and peace and you will see the blessing that the Love from those around you gives. It will turn your pain to joy and your heart will be softened. You will know when you are forgiven because you have changed those things about you and have confidence to continue that change.

This is hard when technically you were the victim. The only problem is that you are putting yourself in a box with no opening and in the end, you have no where to go but in that box. You must understand that being the victim will only make you more of a victim. You will always attract situations or relationships that are harmful or hurtful to you. Gain confidence and courage to be more and try to discover your talents and gifts that direct you to take charge of your own life. You have the freedom to choose, one of our greatest blessings in this life.

The good thing about about a second chance, is a second chance. You have the opportunity to start over with your life, and get it right. You can change who you are and what you want in a way that will align you with a healthy happy lifestyle. It is scary to make big changes like your career or even behavioral changes but you have already been through something WAY harder so you know you can do it.

Have hope for the future. Put the past in the past and live in the present. Life is so short in the scheme of things and you don't have a day to waste being unhappy. I made it through the hard times and I know that anyone else can too if they have hope. Tomorrow is a new day. Everything will be ok in the end, if its not ok, its not the end.


  1. Agreed, that was beautiful! We admire and love you Kirsten!!

  2. Kirsten, I love you so much! You are my hero.

  3. This is so well said and beautiful. Often times I don't think bloggers are really writing from the heart, and you could definitely tell this was. So very sincere and insightful--I almost feel like these principles apply to all sorts of challenges in life.

  4. Thank you so much. It is scary sometimes to say the truth but usually when you go through something difficult you are able to help others from what you have learned, so I am grateful I could share:)

  5. Kirsten, you are great. congratulations on the engagement by the way :)


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